You might see less news stories than usual over the next couple of days as TV Lowdown goes through a little bit of a re-design to make the site even niftier (“As if that’s possible!” I hear you cry.)

Never fear, we’ll be back before long. Meanwhile, here’s a narcoleptic dog.

The series is about a woman who goes through some sort of spiritual awakening and “becomes determined to live an enlightened life, creating havoc at home and work.” The lead role will be played by Laura Dern, who worked with Mike White on the wonderful 2007 film Year of the Dog.  White said: “The only thing I can think of cooler than making a show at HBO is doing it with Laura Dern. I am totally stoked.”

If you’ve enjoyed previous Mike White projects like Freaks and Geeks, Chuck & Buck, School of Rock or the aforementioned Year of the Dog you should definitely keep an eye out for Englightened.

It’s probably no coincidence that the teleplay for the pilot was written by Terence Winter, former writer-producer for The Sopranos. If he can bring the same tense mob shenanigans from that show, and couple it with Scorsese’s eye for the historic, this should definitely be one to look out for.

Scorsese is apparently lined up to direct a first season episode, so we can probably expect a decent level of critical attention to this show too. Production is due to begin this year in time for a 2010 launch.

Well, the latest poster has been revealed – the Dharma Van.

Uh… OK.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice and all, but… really? Not one I’ll be dashing out to buy, I’m afraid. If you’re feeling the urge to splurge, head over here and get your $50 ready…

Other names currently cast are Sean Bean, Kit Harrington, Jack Gleeson, Harry Lloyd, Jennifer Ehle, Iain Glen, Tamzin Merchant, Richard Madden, Sophie Turner, Maisie Williams, Alfie Allen and Peter Dinklage.

The pilot starts shooting next month in Belfast, but as yet there doesn’t seem to be an air date announced for the show.

24 – January 17th

30 Rock – October 15th

American Dad – September 27th

The Beautiful Life – September 16th

The Big Bang Theory- September 21st

Bones – September 17th

Brothers – September 25th

Brothers & Sisters- September 27th

Californication- September 27th

Chuck – March 2010 (TBC)

The Cleveland Show- September 27th

CSI – September 24th

CSI: Miami – September 21st

Cougar Town – September 23rd

Criminal Minds- September 23rd

CSI: NY- September 23rd

Curb Your Enthusiasm – September 20th

Desperate Housewives- September 27th

Dexter- September 27th

Dollhouse- September 25th

Eastwick- September 23rd

Family Guy- September 27th

FlashForward- September 24th

The Forgotten- September 22nd

Fringe- September 17th

Ghost Whisperer- September 25th

Glee – September 9th

Gossip Girl – September 14th

Grey’s Anatomy- September 24th

Heroes- September 21st

House- September 21st

How I Met Your Mother- September 21st

Human Target – January 20th

Law & Order- September 25th

Lie To Me – September 28th

Lost – January 2010 (TBC)

Medium- September 25th

The Mentalist- September 24th

Modern Family- September 23rd

NCIS – September 22nd

NCIS: Los Angeles- September 22nd

Numb3rs- September 25th

The Office- September 17th

One Tree Hill – September 14th

Private Practice – October 1st

The Simpsons- September 27th

Smallville- September 25th

Southland – October 23rd

Stargate Universe – October 2nd

Supernatural – September 10th

Three Rivers – October 4th

Ugly Betty – October 9th

V – November 3rd

Vampire Diaries – September 10th

We open where we left off last week, with Bill arriving at the palace of the vampire queen of Louisiana, one Sophie-Anne, played with relish by Evan Rachel Wood. Sophie-Anne is happily feeding from the femoral artery of a young woman, leading Bill to ask “Is this a bad time?”. Sophie-Anne’s response is a razor-sharp example of both vampire psychology and Alan Ball’s writing as she licks the blood from her chops and breathlessly drawls “A bad time? There’s no such thing as bad. Or time, for that matter.”

After the titles we pick up on another cliffhanger from last week, with Jessica feasting on zombie-eyed Maxine in front of a horrified Hoyt; he rushes to his mother’s aid and leads her to safety, crying, and telling Jessica that he should have listened to Bill’s warnings about getting involved with a young vampire.

Back at Sophie-Anne’s place Bill has approached the vampire queen for information on maenads, trying to determine how to deal with Maryann. In between flicking through early copies of Vogue and applying make-up, Sophie-Anne explains how everything that exists imagined itself into existence.

“Well, think about it. You’re a wild young girl who’s married to some jerk who treats you like property and is also fucking some 14 year old boy. And along comes this religion which encourages you to get hammered, run naked through the woods, have sex with whoever, whatever, and it’s all part of getting closer to God? (…) So you’re fucking everybody in the dirt; why not kill something and eat it raw? Hey, you’re super-extra-pious and there’s nothing you can’t do, and each time you do it just brings you one step closer to the divine. (…) Never underestimate the power of blind faith. It manifests in ways that bend the laws of physics, or break them entirely.”

Whilst this theory of evolution through imagination may be just Sophie-Anne’s philosophy, I think it’s a particularly intriguing one. Not only does it provide a potential history for Maryann but it also opens the door for absolutely any kind of supernatural nasties to appear on True Blood; if the writers can imagine it and convince the viewers, then it becomes real. This grounding of the supernatural in scientific terms (Sophie-Anne even confirms that evolution created the vampire, and they started out the same as humans) with just a hint of the magical about it precludes any religious or demonic interpretations of the show. Vampires, humans, shifters, werewolves… they’re all just animals. Which, in my eyes at least, is very true to what the show is.

Unfortunately, Sophie-Anne’s history lecture comes at a price, as she insists that Bill spend the day with her rather than returning to Bon Temps. Which actually makes a whole lot of sense, because Bill? You haven’t actually gotten the info you came for yet. You don’t even know how to defeat Maryann yet! After such an interesting scene (with great lines like “I haven’t enjoyed sex with men since the Eisenhower administration”) this exchange between Bill and Sophie-Anne, obviously inserted to try and create some dramatic tension, just makes Bill look at best absent-minded and at worst a complete moron. Maybe all that hair dye is starting to affect him? I can’t be the only person to notice his bizarre maroon-coloured mop suddenly went a lot darker last week.

Rejoice, intervention fans! We’re back in the home of Lafayette where recently de-brainwashed Tara is freaking out and demanding the freedom to go and save Eggs. Presumably because Tara has been so capable in standing up to Maryann before now. Riiiight. While Lettie Mae, Sookie and Lafayette do their best to convince Tara how crazy she’s being (with her cousin even using a pair of purple furry handcuffs to restrain her) Tara unleashes a barrage of bile at each of them in turn. I really hoped that Tara was still mildly under the influence of some maenad mojo to excuse the hate she spews at everyone in this scene but no, turns out she just feels like being an absolute bitch. Lafayette grabs a rifle and takes on guard duty outside, along with Sookie, leaving Tara alone to manipulate Lettie Mae into freeing her. Poor old Lettie Mae. She tricks Lafayette into handing over the rifle then allows Tara to escape in Sookie’s car, but not before firing off a warning shot and triggering Lafeyette’s post-traumatic shock (which, in turn, leads to the particularly odd image of Alexander Skarsgard in a floral blouse.)

Speaking of Eric, he has once again returned to Fangtasia, where Sam has arrived with Arlene’s kids seeking help in dealing with Maryann. It wasn’t until Arlene’s kids popped up that I realised we haven’t seen any children caught up in Maenad Fever. Is it that they’re immune to Maryann’s influence, or are the True Blood producers/HBO a little wary about the potentially very disturbing visage of children engaging in hideous random violence? Either way, Arlene’s kids provide a great scene in Fangtasia as Eric creepily coos over the “miniature humans” and Pam simply expresses absolute disgust, claiming she’ll still be able to smell them for a week.

Sam’s request for help doesn’t fall on deaf ears, however, and Eric has the same bright idea as Bill; turn to Sophie-Anne for advice. Which he does, by flying away. Yes. Flying. He whooshes up into the air, Petrelli-style. While this does come as a little bit of a WTF moment, it does at least explain the glaring plot hole of how Eric travelled so quickly from the Hotel Carmilla to the Fellowship of the Sun a few weeks ago. It does raise the question of whether all vampires can fly, or just those sufficiently old/experienced enough. Guess we’ll find out one day.

While Sam plays babysitter, Jason and Andy leap into action and head to the police station to stock up on weapons before heading towards Sookie’s house to confront Maryann. The pair share a very gung-ho scene in the truck which, to my ears (and sensibilities) I found pretty cringe-worthy. Jason’s line of “This town may be full of crazy rednecks and dumbasses, but they’re still Americans Andy.” feels a leetle jingoistic to me. I expected something to happen which would subvert the flag-waving crotch-grabbery of this scene, but it just never came.

It seems everyone is making a beeline to Sookie’s house, as Tara arrives to try and convince Eggs to flee, only to be cornered by Maryann who reveals that Tara is responsible for all of this mess thanks to her Ms. Jeanette sponsored exorcism last season. The young girl that Tara killed was apparently Maryann in another form, and this act brought the maenad to power. At this point I think we all have to just nod and accept this very flimsy-sounding logic as both a nifty callback to something from Season 1 that went largely forgotten as well as a way to make Tara even more integral to this storyline. Maryann swiftly right-hooks Tara back into zombiehood, and she staggers up the stairs with Eggs to presumably perform predictably unspeakable acts.

At Casa de Queenie, Bill has seemingly resigned himself to spending some time in Sophie-Anne’s court and enjoys a quick snack of Latvian and a round of Yahtzee before the Queen finally gets down to details in how to destroy Maryann; which, basically, amounts to letting the maenad do whatever the hell she wants. Since there’s no way to kill Maryann, Sophie-Anne suggests letting her complete her ritual, involving the sacrifice of a supernatural entity. Maenads have apparently been unsuccessfully trying to summon The God Who Comes for thousands of years, tweaking the recipe each time. When it inevitably fails they move on to try something new. Does this raise alarm bells for anyone else when they recall Maryann’s very pleased reaction to Sookie’s supernaturalness last week? Could Maryann believe she’s found that unique new ingredient? Either way Sophie-Anne doesn’t believe it’s an issue, since The God Who Comes doesn’t actually exist. Or her might do. Or just in Maryann’s head. The Queen isn’t exactly clear on this part, but I guess it all goes back to the imagination-evolution theory; if Maryann can convince a whole town that the god is real, could he pop into existence?

Before leaving, Bill has a brief chat with one of Sophie-Anne’s human minions, who turns out to be Sookie’s cousin Hadley. I’m a little confused at this point, to be honest; we’ve never met this character before, right? She’s only been mentioned briefly in passing? I can’t help but feel some content was cut in this episode surrounding Hadley, which is a shame, as I get the feeling the character is going to pop up again. One person who Bill has seen more than enough of lately is Eric, who touches down outside the palace, much to Bill’s frustration and Sophie-Anne’s amusement, who suggests the two of them “really should just fuck each other and get it over with.” The pair share a snarky little bitching session over which of them was the most devious in forcing their blood into Sookie before Bill makes a threat; leave Sookie alone or he’ll expose Eric’s (apparently highly illegal in vampire society) V-peddling operations to the queen.

Another duo heading into the fray are Lafayette and Sookie who, having brained Lettie Mae with a piece of pottery, have arrived at Sookie’s house; Lafayette stays outside to distract Arlene and Terry from their guard duties with drug baggies (always be prepared eh, Lafayette?) while Sookie sneaks inside. After some gentle spooning and saucepan-whacking with everyone’s favourite tree-humping coroner Sookie finally makes it up to the bedroom where Tara and Eggs are smashing up the place to find material for their “nest” which, surely enough, houses a giant egg. Before Sookie can do much about this she’s cornered by Lafayette who, having tried and failed to kill Maryann with a shot to the head (which she simply deflects with the palm of her hand, unwittingly killing Carl) has become the maenads latest zombie minion.

This episode had the curious feel of containing way too much, and also too little. The focus was split between so many characters and scenes that some moments felt very rushed, whilst others felt like filler. Still, it was a nice set-up for next week, which I hope will be sufficiently crazy. True Blood is one of those shows that, thanks to the mix of camp and horror, benefits from being over the top (and quite often the more outlandish the better).

I don’t really know too much about Mercy, other than the basic premise that it’s a hospital drama focussing on three nurses. Judging from the trailer below the lead (Taylor Schilling) has just returned from Iraq, there’s a rookie nurse (Michelle Trachtenberg) and the distinguishing characteristic of the final nurse (Jamie Lee Kirchner) seems to be… ignoring men. Mmkay.

Normally I hear the words “hospital drama” and my brain starts dribbling out of my ears, but having enjoyed Nurse Jackie so much, I’m willing to at least give Mercy a try (although it does have some very Nurse Jackie-esque elements, both shows featuring similar-looking gay nurses as well as nervous new nurses decked out in brightly coloured scrubs.)

Another element in Mercy’s favour are the executive producers of the show; Gail Berman was involved with shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel and Malcolm In The Middle whilst Lloyd Braun was the guy who was forced out of his position at ABC after signing off on the decision to spend an unprecedented $13 million on a TV pilot. That show was Lost.

So, I’ll be giving this new show a try, but if it sucks I’m afraid I’ll show no mercy. Mercy. Get it? Yeah? Yeah?…

I’ll get my coat.

EDIT: Um, yeah… I just watched the trailer again, and the whole thing kinda reeks of a glossier, sanitised version of Nurse Jackie. I’ll still give it a try, but I may well be watching between my fingers and/or cringing for most of it. Yikes.

“…delves into the emotional ups and downs of a suburban wife and mother forced to face reality yet also find the light side in a dark situation.  A metaphor for the way we all should live, yet rarely do, this is a journey about how to seize the day.  The series is created and written by Darlene Hunt, who will serve as executive producer, along with Neal H. Moritz and Vivian Cannon. It will be produced by Original Film in association with Sony Pictures Television.”

The dark situation? Yep, The C Word is cancer. Showtime entertainment president Robert Greenblatt said “She will no doubt make this character both heartbreaking and disarmingly funny.”

A half-hour comedy about cancer doesn’t exactly seem like a barrelful of chuckles on the surface. However, this is Showtime, which just concluded a series about an adulterous drug-addicted pathological liar called Nurse Jackie. If they can make Jackie’s character (and show) present such a potentially dark slice of life in such a well-rounded and funny manner I’ve no doubt that The C Word and Linney can do something equally impressive.